We're like a lot better than the average bears
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
