Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
