i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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