You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
