I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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