OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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