I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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