i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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