I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
