All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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