4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
