I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
