The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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