My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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