Cold hands, warm shart.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
