Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
