I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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