My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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