its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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