Life is so much better after having sex.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
