She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
