Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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