I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
