Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
