I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
