I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
