end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
