Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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