You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
