I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
And then he peed in my hair
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