Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
