Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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