I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
