did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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