He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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