Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
