These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
