Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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