Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
