2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
