I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
even my farts smell like vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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