just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sext me about skeletons
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
