Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
