Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
