Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
