hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
