Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
