I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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