That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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