Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
