Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
