his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
