1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
