If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
